I Still Love You
by x.soaked-silly
Summary: She got Beck. She knew how he ticked. They were a perfect couple after all. They had been the sun and the moon, but everything was different now. They were older. They grew up. BADE
1. Chapter 1

_I Still Love You_

Looking at him through the window, she can't help but feel a tug at her heart or a tear at the corner of her eye. He had once been her everything, but now she had moved on and he had to. She was sure he was more focused on struggling to get by then reminiscing about their high school years. It was plain to see that he was having a hard time, though it wasn't like he wore his heart on his sleeve. She could tell by how he looked. Gone were the combat clothing that used to go so well with her outfits. Gone was the beautiful face girls would fawn over. Instead, replacing them with their cold hearted hands, were shabby looking jeans and an undershirt accompanied by a tired, unshaven face. Even his hair was different since he no longer could afford the products to keep it looking neat. Now his hair was short and just like every other man's. It was because he was poor. She remembered when she saw him standing outside the grocery store and it had taken some time to recognize the almost homeless man; it had been the first time in years she had seen him and she was able to tell by that wistful look in his eye something was wrong. Like he was a child a couple days before Christmas, eyeing something he so badly wants, but knows his parents would never be able to afford.

.

_"Watch out, buddy!" a mean looking woman addressed a pitiful looking man. She was pushing a full cart and one of the wheels on it was broken, so it kept getting thrown off the course she wanted. While it did piss her off, it was her fault it was like that because she kicked it when it got stuck on some bag of pasta and, catching her off guard, made her trip like and look like an idiot._

_"Oh, sorr-" the man begins, turning around, but cuts off as he sees a cart speeding his way. He jumps back and watches as a food item falls out the side and as the thing itself goes over the sidewalk curb and into the street. He chuckles to himself at the sight._

_"What! You think this is funny! It's your fault so you might as well go pick it up!" the woman barks and the man winces, finding her voice cutting and shrewd. He swears that he's heard that voice before. "Where are your manners? God!"_

_The man bends down awkwardly and picks up the can of chicken noodle soup and then fetches the cart, dodging a black jeep. He brings it back, scowling, and chucks the can into a bag and wheels it over to the woman, stopping it at her feet. She's wearing combat boots, he recognizes as he looks at her feet, and then looks up at the lady's face, getting a good look and trying to see the eyes behind the sunglasses._

_"Stop staring!" she commands. "Now get!" The man's eyes suddenly light up and he smiles crookedly. He reaches up and grabs the lady's sunglasses off her face because he knows her. He's sure of it._

_She wasn't so please though._

_"If you think-"_

_"Hey, Jade," he greets her, shrugging, still wearing that weird smile._

_"What? How do you- Beck?" she says, astonished, looking frantically at his eyes. He didn't look like the old Beck she knew, but his eyes were a dead give away to the truth. She didn't know why, but she always identified a person by their eyes. Maybe it was because no matter what, the color of the eyes never change._

_"Yep," he responds. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"_

_She doesn't even bother to calculate the years that have passed (seven) and just hugs him. Yes, Jade never hugs anyone, but over the years she's softened up a little bit and this was certainly a situation that called for some kind of affection...Until she remembered the fight they had gotten into. She hadn't completely made nice with him at the end of their high school years. But there was something about him that made her kinda...melt with pity for him._

_She pulled away and took another look at his face. Wow, people changed when they grew up. A lot._

_"So, what have you been doing all this time? You look horrible," she states. Leave it to Jade to tell it like it is. She never was keen on lying. After all, it was a sin._

_He laughs a bit and shuffles his feet. "Not much, actually. Just looking for jobs. After Hollywood Arts, I left home and decided to live on my own. It's been a little rough, but I've managed." He's lying; that much Jade can tell. She always had a talent for telling when her ex-boyfriend was making up things, even if sometimes she was just falsely accusing him. She ignores it, though. If he didn't want to tell her, fine. It was his business and she didn't like to hear about other people's lives for the most part anyway because they usually ended up boring her. "What about you?"_

_"I got married and haven't had a job since," Jade says, raising an eyebrow at him, secretly wondering what he thought about that. When she was in high school, she used to dream about this moment. When she would go up to Beck Oliver and tell him that she was taken and he was never going to get her back. Then he would run his hand through his hair, something of a nervous tick he had, and would beg to get back together with her. Eventually though, that dream was washed away as the feelings dulled. It's been eight or nine years since their breakup and dwelling on it wasn't going to help anybody. Especially not her. Maybe punching someone would've, but not dwelling._

_Beck nods, feeling his heart twist a little. Maybe if everything had gone right and it hadn't been screwed up by Sinjin's game show- by him- they would still be together and he wouldn't be living this horrible life. He had had everything set up for him when he stepped out of Hollywood Arts. He had a job offer, someone hounding him and trying to get him to sign a contract, and even a few interviews set up. But he threw it all away when his mother died, resolving to just take a break for a year and try some other careers like she had always wanted. She never wanted her son to rely on acting his whole life just incase something happened. It turns out, he made a mistake to try different things because a few months later after taking only a couple courses for Art, Law, and some other things, something bad had happened. It had been so sudden. His dad's shop had burned down, taking all the money in it with it. As well as his dad. His dad had always been a careful, paranoid man and he kept half of all his money in the store so when that shop burned down, so did Beck's funds for college. He and his sister were able to split the funds left, his sister getting more money than him since he knew she needed it. She had a baby to support now and it wouldn't be fair of him to take half when she was trying to raise another human being. She tried to insist on him taking his share, but he declined saying that he would always be able to get another acting job. But the film producers had cast other people and the media had moved on, even in the short while he been out of it. The producers and directors had moved on from the hype that had been Beck Oliver. If he wanted a job, he would have to start trying auditioning for parts, but he couldn't pull himself together. Not after his parents' deaths. So, he had to get a normal job. It wasn't working though; everything was on again off again and he went through a bout where he was addicted to drugs and needed endless money for his...hobby. Eventually he was able to quit, but not after he bankrupted himself. And now he was in his RV, praying to hold a job down. Since he had only gone to college for a short amount of time, he wasn't qualified for much. So he was sort of like a beggar, standing outside groceries, hoping someone would drop some money or something. Maybe someone would take pity on him. Like girl scouts. One time he got a free box from them when they spotted him hanging around. He really appreciated that._

_"Oh, hey. You know what? I can get you a job," Jade says, snapping him out of his thoughts._

_"Really? That'd...be great!" he says and his face starts to glow a little bit. Jade mentally smiles. When he was truly happy, it looked like it took off a few years. Made him recognizable even with the short hair._

_"It's not much, but we need a pool boy," Jade extends the offer, for once in her life showing kindness. This surprises herself since she would never help some random hobo like this. But then again, Beck wasn't some random hobo._

_"Perfect. That's perfect. Thank you, Jade," he thanks her, a bit of a sparkle coming to his eyes._

_"You start Friday. Here's my address...and my number...and be there at two," she says as she whips out a pad of paper and a pen to write everything down before handing it to the new pool boy._

_He's smiling like a dope as he takes the paper with Jade's writing on it. Her handwriting hasn't changed a bit. Still as messy as ever. "See you then."_

_"Don't be late," she warns and walks away, rolling her squeaking cart in front of her. Suddenly, as she reaches her car, she starts to laugh and her eyes hold a happiness she hasn't felt for a long time._

.

She puts a hand to the window, looking on as he uses a net to scrape the leaves off the top. That was one thing he knew how to do, she remembers. He always swore that if they ever for some reason needed money, he would go get a job as a pool boy and she would be able to watch him as he shirtlessly pours chemicals into the water. She wasn't quite sure why he had said that, but laughed at it anyway, allowing a crack of a grin. She missed his humor.

She starts to walk down the hallway and into the kitchen, then opens the sliding glass door soundlessly, gingerly stepping outside. "You made it," she says, wearing her trademark face, acting like she didn't care whether he came or not. But she did.

"Wasn't going to skip out," he answers, focusing on cleaning the pool. "You know...never mind."

"What? You know I HATE when you start a thought and don't finish it, Beck," she growls, like he just woke a sleeping dog. Like no time had passed between the two friends.

"Your house is...huge," he says sheepishly.

"That's what you get when you marry a billionaire. That and whatever else you want," she responds nonchalantly which gets a laugh from the man.

"So, what's it like?"

"What's what like? Be. Specific."

"Just...everything," he says, unfazed by her attitude. If he didn't mind it then, he wouldn't mind it now. Besides, her attitude was what made Jade...Jade. Without it she would just be like every other girl. Woman. Female.

"Broad topic," she starts, "Well now I'm able to take a bunch of acting and singing classes because I actually have money now. I have an audition coming up soon for the first time in a while. And you know, everything's been nice. Bradley's been nice." Her answer is short and slightly choppy, leading Beck to wonder what's going on in her head.

"Okay. That's good. What about...A-"

"I haven't seen them since I left Hollywood Arts. I tried to keep in touch with them for a while, but then it just became a hassle," she says. She knew this question was going to come up sooner or later and it was a shame she didn't have a better response for him. The last time she had spoken to any member of the gang was three years ago and that was Cat. Caterina Valentine. Jade recalled how she used to be best friends with the red head and she had been one of the only people she actually had a bit of a soft spot for, but the last time she had seen Cat, Cat had been...off to say the least.

.

_"Cat?" Jade asks, watching the synthetic blonde haired girl as she nervously rolls on the balls of her feet then back again. Her big chocolate brown eyes were scanning the room as if someone or something was going to jump out at her which was stupid. Jade's house held no unwanted guests._

_"Yeah Jade?" she responds in her airy, bubbly voice. At least that hadn't changed._

_"Just...nothing. So how was your tour? You were gone a long time," Jade questions, ignoring how the other girl played with her hands and the way she kinda flipped her hair from one side to the other. The shorter girl was different then she had been before tour and it was throwing Jade off and causing her to want to just yell at the blonde girl. Er, woman._

_"Ahaha! It was great, Jade. You wouldn't believe what happened!" she chirps, using her hands to illustrate something. She had been on tour for a year in another country. Every contact method had been cut off. Not even the media could get her there. Now that she back, the paparazzi will probably be going to hound her for news and interviews._

_"NO!" Jade barked, getting frustrated and annoyed at how the other girl was acting in her presence. It was causing her to lash out a bit and she mentally curses herself. She hadn't seen Cat in forever and this was how she was acting...Yes, Jade did have a conscience._

_The other girl fell silent for a little bit before piping up in a surprisingly soft tone. "Hey Jade?"_

_"What."_

_"Eventually there's gonna be somethin' on the news about me. I think. Just don't think about it, kk?" Cat says in that ANNOYINGLY vague way of hers that made no sense what-so-ever. Like Andre puts it, every time Cat opens her mouth Jade hopes and thinks maybe it will be somewhat smart this time. It never is._

_"Whatever, Cat."_

_The pair spent the rest of the day making cupcakes with vanilla frosting (odd because Cat used to love red velvet) and just doing stuff, but Jade couldn't shake the feeling something was wrong with Cat. Like she had become a broken record or maybe it was like she was in a play, but without passion, and just going through the motions. Jade should've pressed Cat about her actions, but she didn't._

_A few days later, Jade found out Cat had been right. There was something on the news about her. It turns out, while she was on her singing tour, there was a night where the stadium was filled to the brim, and her body guards lost sight of her as she went to sign an autograph like the idiot she was. Someone took her and he...raped her, resulting in calling off the tour even though they were only a month into it. After Jade learned this she tried to call Cat, but some stupid operator told her the phone was disconnected. Cat didn't want to talk to her._

.

"You mean you haven't talked to them once?" Beck asks, just looking at her. He found it hard to believe Jade would just ditch everybody (except for Tori). Especially Cat. He knew there was something between those two even if they didn't always act like it. But, he could be wrong.

"Nope," Jade hisses, trying to be difficult even though she had seen them. It had been four years ago and the group decided to have a little get together at Tori's new house. Of course they had to meet at Tori's. They always had to meet at Tori's. But, as much as Jade despised the brunette, she went anyway, just to see the gang again. And maybe to brag about her rich husband a bit.

.

_"Jade! Good to see you!" Andre greets her at the door and then lets her in. "Everyone's here already and they're by the kitchen," he says in that Andre way of his. Jade smiles brightly at him because she did like him as a friend even if she sometimes hated to admit it._

_She walks past him and towards to where he pointed, all the while taking a look at the house around her. Vega had a pretty place, but it was nothing compared to her magnificent mansion. Even Vega couldn't outdo her this time. Jade had it made, even if she had stopped singing and acting for a little bit. It was worth it._

_In the kitchen, there was a fancy microwave and lights hanging from the ceiling. There was an island made out of black marble and a big refrigerator that seemed to take up half of the room. How fat did Vega intend on getting?_

_"Jadey!" a high pitched voice greets her and looks from the fridge to see a tall, skinny curly haired boy staring at her and holding out his arms like he wanted a hug. No._

_"Hi, Robbie," she groans and looks him up and down. He looked like he was still wearing girl skinny jeans and he still had on those dorky plaid shirts, but he ditched the glasses and...Rex. Also, he had grown a few inches and put on a bit of...muscle? He was working out? He never liked to work out. He would always scream and cry like a little girl whenever you gave him some manual labor to do. Jade had been certain he was going to grow fat and ugly like Vega when he was older. Guess she had been wrong. About the fat part. He was still gross looking._

_He lowers his arms embarrassedly, blushing a deep crimson red. Only Robbie._

_"Aw, come on, Jade! Aren't you happy to see us!" one Tori Vega says, rushing over and trying to give a Jade a hug who snaps and attempts to bite her. "Jade!"_

_"Whatever. Where's Cat?" Jade asks, looking around. A very small part of her was unwilling to admit that she had come here for the red head as well._

_"She's not gonna be here. Not sure why," Andre shrugs, coming up behind Tori. Jade notices that his hair is shorter and he's wearing actually...stylish clothes instead of his ragtag ones he took to wearing. "Anyway, how you've been Jade?" he asks._

_"Better than Vega," she says, giving Vega a scowl._

_"Oh come on!" she begs and then begins to describe her extremely boring life about how she was in the process of making a movie and how she's already been on a few TV shows and yada yada. Life had apparently gone perfect for her...Until she got to the part about Trina. Trina had cut Tori off once she found that the other sibling was getting all the gigs while she was still at home, unable to land a job. At least, Tori thought Trina was at home, but once she went back to visit the family, they said Trina had left. No one knew where she had gone._

_"Good," Jade curtly says and Tori ignores her._

_"Wow...I'm really sorry to hear that," Andre sympathizes with her. No one was surprised; Andre had always had a soft spot for the beautiful brunette, even if he was going steady and head over heels in love with his girlfriend. The two were business partners, apparently, making a good living (they worked for Andre's girlfriend's dad so they both were able to hold their jobs while go through college). An average living. Not like Jade who was living the best out of all them for certain._

_"Yeah, girlie," Robbie agrees. Girlie was like his catchphrase. That hadn't changed._

_"What about you Robbie?" Tori asks, moving on from the sad conversation that slightly depressed everyone in the room except for Jade. It made her happy._

_"Just going to college pretty much. I got an apartment and I have a job as a ventriloquist. And I finally realized, I don't need Rex," he giggles (yes giggles) happily. It was true. The young man had been recognized for his talent and he had been given a scholarship to an arts college. He didn't have a girlfriend or anything, but he was still happy as hell and occasionally, when she was around, he hit on Cat, the girl he had developed an obsession with when he was younger. He had always liked how she was so...blonde. It made his freakiness not seem so bad because she was just plain stupid. But he didn't just like that. He loved how she enjoyed life and didn't care what people thought of her. A part of him always wished that he could be like that because he, as he came to find out years later, used Rex to cover up all his insecurities. Rex portrayed someone brave and someone everyone liked while Robbie was afraid of being a coward or someone everyone hated. But all that didn't matter now. He was okay now and came to terms with himself and because of that, people liked him a lot more than they ever did Rex._

_"Yay!" Tori says gleefully and claps._

_"Good for you man!"_

_"I want to leave."_

.

"If you say so," Beck sighs, bringing his hand up towards his hair, but letting it drop to the side. It wasn't the same anymore. Not without his long hair. That's what had made him so boyishly handsome. And now nothing was the same. "Well, the pool's done," he says.

"Are you sure?" she questions.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Here's your pay," Jade says and hands over some neatly folded green paper bills. "Come back in a week. Same time. Don't be late."

Beck nods and starts to head out, but stops for a second, the clacking of Jade's boots bringing back memories. Sweet bitter memories. "Wait, Jade."

"What."

"What's Bradley like?" he asks and suddenly he frowns. He shouldn't have asked that. Her husband was her business, not his. But yet...Beck can't help but wonder the kind of man that fell for Jade. Was it someone like him?

Jade hesitates before talking and without even turning around, responds, "He's kind, smart...helpful..." Then she walks away without another word, leaving Beck to wonder exactly what Bradley Berns looked like and how he talks and what he talks about. Wondering if he brags about his wife, Jade Berns or is really, truly in love with her like Beck used to be.

.

A week passes and soon Beck is at her pool again, scrubbing away again...or whatever you do when you clean a pool. And she's watching him again. Watching as he wipes the sweat off his forehead and then returns to picking the leaves out. There were a lot of trees around (Bradley loved nature) and it made cleaning the pool take longer than normal. There was more to vacuum and more to scoop up.

Jade decides to walk out to greet him.

"Hey Beck," she says.

"What's up," he responds, flashing a smile at her.

"You," she abruptly says and then clarifies herself. "What really happened to you?" She couldn't help but care for the boy she once loved even if she had moved on to greater things.

He takes a minute to respond, diving into the dark memories he tried so hard to put away and keep at bay. "...My parents died and they were bankrupt, so me and my sister had to split the small amount of money left. She was having a baby, so I let her have the house and most of the money. I thought I could land an acting job, but I...couldn't pull myself together," he says quietly and she can't tell whether his eyes are tearing up or if it's just the pool water he splashed on himself. "Since I wasn't able to complete college, I couldn't get a good job. I thought that maybe, somehow, I'd be able to pay for myself and live on my own like I always wanted to. God, I was stupid. Soon I was getting...into drugs," he explains and suddenly, he starts to tear up and sits on the chair behind him, holding his forehead with his hand. Jade watches with horror for a few seconds before going over by him and then starts to soothe him by running her hand through his hair. He doesn't need to say anything else. Jade got it. Jade always got him.

.

_"No, I want to live in my RV. It's a lot better than being at my parent's house, man," Beck argues to Andre, hating the fact that his best friend was against him. It was his choice; Andre should respect that. Beck was nearly an adult and he was capable of making his own decisions without some headstrong teenager trying to butt in and give "advice."_

_"I'm just saying that it doesn't make sense to be parked right out in the front lawn of their house and not live there!" Andre exclaims, not getting Beck. He swore sometimes Beck was mentally insane._

_"If I live under their roof, I have to follow their rules! Under my own roof, I have freedom!" Beck says exasperatedly and takes a sip of the juice he was holding, trying to act like he wasn't upset with Andre._

_"But you're right in their-"_

_"I get it," Jade interrupts, glaring at Andre._

_"But-"_

_"BUT?"_

_"N-Nothin'," Andre backs down. Whatever. They can just pretend that Beck's idea was totally smart and not really idiotic like everyone else knew it was._

_"Thanks," Beck says quietly and Jade rests her head on his shoulder. She got why he didn't want to live with his parents. She didn't want to live with her parent either. There was something liberating about not sharing the same roof with your family. It was sort of enthralling because they never had to know where you were and where you were going. They couldn't see you leave even if they wanted to. Jade wanted that. She got Beck. She knew how he ticked. They were a perfect couple after all. He knew how to calm her down and she got his complicated ideas. They completed each other like no one else could. She and him were a balanced relationship. He was the sun which made everything grow and wake up, and she was the moon which cooled everything down and gave them a rest._

.

A few months go by and every time Beck comes, she's no longer waiting at the window, but waiting at the sliding door. Sometimes, she'll wait hours for him to come, just sitting by the door, entertaining herself. Sometimes she even pets the chocolate lab which is amazing because she hated dogs. The way they jumped all over you and licked you to death with their slobbery tongues made her want to scream. And the way they were always happy made her want to yank their tails off their little bodies. She would to see how happy they would be then.

These differences in Jade's behavior didn't go unnoticed by Bradley, unfortunately for her. He was a kind and understanding husband, but even he didn't get why she appeared to be so into her old friend, who was a boy. Just because he wasn't the jealous type didn't mean he didn't get jealous. Jade never waited for him to come home from work like that no matter the amount of expansive things he got her. It wasn't fair that she was talking to an almost homeless boy rather than a manly, rich guy such as himself.

.

_"You know, this is a really good dinner, honey. Where'd you find the recipe?" Bradley asks cheerfully, almost finished with his plate of artichoke and fresh vegetables. Jade was a good cook, but this meal was just superb. Everything mixed so well, unlike a few years ago when she first made the dish. When Jade didn't know how to cook at all. Having a lot of time on her hands she was able to learn how and become an exceedingly good cook._

_"Someone gave it to me," she smiles back, only halfway through her meal, playfully pushing around a brussels sprout. Almost like she's not interested in it and her mind is wandering somewhere far away. Bradley pauses and puts his fork down on his plate a little to loudly for Jade's liking and she glares at him._

_"Not from that pool boy, right?" he accuses distastefully._

_"What? Why would you even say that? Is there something wrong," she barks, immediately set off. Being married for seven long years, Bradley knew how to step around her trigger points, but he had knowingly stepped into a pretty big bomb._

_"Why do you always wait for him? And you're always talking to him the whole time he's here. Is there something up, Jade?"_

_"Obviously not!" she shouted, getting up from her seat and slamming her hands down on the table. "Get off my back!"_

_And Bradley, being the submissive type, went back to eating his food solemnly as she stalked away, punching the wall to her left and then going up the stairs to wherever she was going._

_Bradley ate silently for a few more minutes, polishing his dinner before putting his silverware down and resting his elbow on the wooden table. Then he rested his forehead into his arm and wept quietly, his gasps for breath racking his strong body._

.

Soon, a year flies by, Beck over cleaning the pool every week. It's a year round job because it never gets cold enough for water to freeze, so Jade is able to enjoy and expect his company every Friday. J like this one.

"You know Jade, I can't help but think about our high school years," Beck says absentmindedly. "We were so close back then...Then everything kinda fell apart."

Jade remains silent, wondering where he could possibly be going with this. Hopefully not back to the days where they dated. That would be just awkward.

"Jade," he starts, his voice breaking, "I still love you."

Jade doesn't say anything. She's frozen as if time just stopped. What'd he say? No, no, no. This wasn't supposed to happen! He wasn't supposed to still love her. He was supposed to get over it after she married Bradley!

"Listen, I know this is crazy, but I know you don't love Bradley. I can tell from the way you talk about him...or don't. I know you're not happy. You've told me how you've wished you could go back to acting. He stopped you from doing that when you married him. You don't love him Jade. His money is great and all, but...I still love you...Jade? Say something..." he begs and for the first time in a long time, Jade is speechless. She always has a comeback for everything you say. But not this time. This time she fumbles for words and takes a minute to decide what she's going to say.

"That's not how it's supposed to be, Beck. You're not supposed to love me. I...I don't love you Beck. I'm married to Bradley. I got over us. You."

"But we always get back together. You're in love with m-"

"No, Beck. I'm not!" And now she's screaming, tears threatening to fall from her pale face.

"Yes you-"

"I want you to go."

"I haven't finished cleaning the pool!"

"Go."

"Don't you hear what I'm telling you!"

"Beck, I loved you. Loved. But what you did was unforgivable. Leave," she growls.

"What about Friday?"

"I think you should find another job, Beck. I bought a cover for the pool so we won't need it cleaned as often," she sniffs, and then ran away, her heels clacking against the stony ground, once again bringing back those memories he so loved.

As she ran, she wiped tears from her eyes. Beck was wrong. He was wrong to make her feel this way. Yes, he was right in that she was settling for Bradley and his money, but she didn't love Beck anymore. She was able to get over him. After she had counted to ten and he wasn't out beside her, holding her in his arms, it had been a hard road, but she able to reach the end and turn onto a new one. One that involved Bradley. Not Beck. He ignored her after they broke up and eventually, she was able to accept that. Now he was back for her. That she couldn't accept even if she did occasionally miss the things they used to tell each other. But she didn't need him anymore. She had a life now.

.

_"Jade, what's wrong?" Beck asks worriedly, slightly afraid by his girlfriend's tearful face. She never cries. Ever. She was Jade West._

_When she didn't answer, Beck sat by her on his bed and put his arm around her, waiting for her to talk. He wouldn't push her if she didn't want to open up because he was sensitive like that and sometimes, all you needed was a shoulder to cry on._

_"Beck?" she finally sniffs._

_"Yeah?"_

_"I want you to hold me," she requests, another thing she never does. Beck hurriedly sits behind her and then wraps his arms around her, resting his chin on her shoulder, feeling the sobs rack her seemingly frail body. He could nearly feel the tremor in her voice and the pain she was feeling._

_Then, he started to tear up._

_"Beck, tell me you love me," she pleads lowering her hands from her eyes and entwining them in Beck's warm, comforting ones._

_"I love you," he says quietly, his voice breaking slightly._

_"Why are...Why are you sad?" she wonders. Strange because she usually is insensitive to others._

_"...Because you are, Jade," Beck says, a small tear finally falling from his eye. "And you mean the world to me and you always will."_

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><p><strong>Author's Note: This is only a one-shot because I usually don't get a lot of reviews and I feel this is fine as a one-shot. Also, I got into an accident and sustained a brain injury so I'm really not supposed to be writing, but if people say that they want me to continue and make this more than a one-shot, then I will. And I usually don't mind how many people review, but it was making me feel a little down. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it! And if you have any constructive criticism or praise, review please!<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**: Thanks for the reviews everyone! They really mean a lot and sorry it took kinda long...Lot's of words and content to cover!

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><p><em>I Still Love You<em>

She sits in her dark, gloomy room which she had Bradley make for her when they first moved in because she needed a place for herself and a place to get away when she was feeling down. The walls were painted black and the bed had dark grey covers she could lose herself in; she could lose all her insecurities in. Black was her haven. Her safe place. She would be able to hide from anybody- hide from their peering, unforgiving eyes because no one could see in the dark. No one could spot her in her small corner. Her protective corner. And when she had to leave her little haven, she wore black, which was somewhat of a defensive mechanism for her. Just like no one could see her in the dark, no one could see her personality, her emotions, through her dark clothing. She clouded herself with the mysterious color that everyone seemed to hate so much so that she would drive them away from her. They wouldn't want to know her if she wore what society so hates.

Somehow though, that didn't stop Beck from wanting her. Which was why she was now escaping into her safety zone, sobbing uncontrollably into her warm hands. She always had had a problem where she wouldn't cry at all when she was upset, but when she went past that point, she couldn't stop the flood of tears and she curses herself for that. For showing her vulnerability to everyone because it's not like she kept to herself when she was that overcome with emotion. She couldn't handle it herself no matter how strong the image she painted of herself was because when the tears washes all the paint away, you just see Jade West, plain and devoid of any makeup. And just like any normal human being, she needed help, so she had always gone to someone for help when she was a mess. A wreck like that. One time she had even gone to Tori Vega because when she's in that state of mind, she can't stable herself without assistance.

But right now, she had no one's shoulder to cry on, unlike when she did back in her high school years. No friends, no loving boyfriend, no family. No, all she has is Bradley, but she doesn't want him to see her like this. See the real Jade West and not the Jade Berns he had married and come to love. Because, in reality, no one loved Jade West. At least, not anymore. She was a mean, twisted girl who was driven to insane emotional highs and nobody likes a drama queen. Beck, Cat, and even Tori were long gone and they were the only ones who tolerated her when she became the person she so despised.

So she cries in her room alone, surrounded by her favorite color, her head in her hands.

"Jade?" a sudden soft voice calls out, cutting through her thoughts and jolting her back to the real world. It was Bradley, his face sullen and frightened, his features twisted and garbled into something she didn't recognize. His hair was messy and his dark green eyes held bags underneath them. She freezes; Bradley has never seen her like this before. She has mascara running down her face, she can taste the nearly metallic flavor, and she knows her eyeliner has made a line streaming down from her eyes because it's not water proof. She never buys water proof makeup because she never needs it. She's Jade Berns, after all. She shouldn't need it.

"What's wrong?" he asks, his voice seemingly frantic with worry as he steps towards her, his arm outstretched like he was going to grab her. Grab her away from her solitude and comfort spot. This makes her react violently, her grey eyes narrowing into a glare at him.

"Go away!" she spits with venom, ducking her head as he reaches to touch her delicate face, her silky skin, with his dirty, strong hand. How dare he see her like this! How dare he come in without any warning!

"But Ja-"

"Go before I hurt you, Bradley!" she cries, her voice sharp, puncturing his heart with its bite, trying to break it. She had said things like this all the time to him, but this time was different. And she really meant it. This time, she was hurt. Like a wild animal. And like with any wild animal, they shunned away from human touch even if it was meant with the intent of helping, and if that human didn't listen, they would try to attack.

Bradley stiffens as she pulls her head away, his eyes watering, and he turns to leave, hating to see his wife in such a state. Hating that Jade wouldn't tell him anything that was wrong. But even through that hate, he manages to find the courage to stop, his hand on the hinges of the door, and says, "Jade...I'm so sorry." Then he walks off down the hall, the echoing of his footfalls becoming fainter the farther they got and the cries of Jade Berns growing louder the longer they were away.

.

A few months go by after the incident, and Jade seems to return to her angry self after having touched up her painting; her self image. Bradley acts like he never even saw the small, salty tears leaving her beautiful grey eyes and life is for the most part, good. Or so she says to Bradley every night when he asks about her day. But it hasn't. Every day, Jade sits at the dining room table, eating lunch while her husband is out at work and she looks outside the sliding glass door at the pool, watching to see when the new pool boy will show up. Steven is his name and she avoids him like the plague. He comes and goes as he pleases, sometimes only finishing the job halfway through before taking off for the night. Other times he'll skip a week or come Thursday as well as Friday. It was unexpected when he would show or even what time. Jade wants him fired, but doesn't say anything. What does it matter? She doesn't swim anyway. The water creeps her out.

She remembers how Beck used to try to coax her into jumping in and suddenly, she wants to see his face over the green shrubbery near the front gate again.

She doesn't have to wait long, though. A few more days pass, and Beck shows up at her house, by her sliding glass door, looking for something. At first a thrill of excitement passes through her (and she hates when that happens) because maybe he's looking for her, but it quickly goes and she becomes angry. Why was he here anyway? She gently glides the door open, ready to shout, ready to scream, ready for anything if need be. He has no right to be on her property after she fired him.

"Jade!" Beck says happily, like nothing has happened and everything was the same. His face that so used to resemble a model's when he was young, was glowing, almost diminishing the wrinkles that had settled into his face after only months of being away from Hollywood Arts and the group. Wrinkles that had had the time to become etched into his face, never to be removed so that even when his face was practically shining with happiness, you would still be able to see the small scratch of its prying hands, warning you and telling you that he had surpassed his youth into the hardships of adulthood.

"Beck," she glowers, the words tasting like her mascara that dripped onto her tongue so many months ago when he had upset her. Made her become someone she hates. She raises her eyebrows in amazement that he came back. "Leave," she commands, frowning, but it didn't hold any power. Deep down, in that fateful messed up heart, she wants him to stay and say something- say anything- to redeem himself to her so she can talk to him. So she can watch as he looks away and chuckles at something she said to make him laugh.

He seems to know this as his smile doesn't falter. It never faltered when he talked to her because he always knew what she meant under her rough exterior. He could always tell by the slightest clue whether it was the way she shifted feet or the times when her voice was the tiniest bit higher than usual. He had learned these ticks and memorized them, so it was lucky for him that she didn't grow out of them, even though all this time had passed. Time that he hadn't been by her side. "I forgot my jacket," he shrugs, using that What-Can-You-Do-About-It? tone that she always said she hated, but eventually admitted to it being, 'I guess it's kinda, like, cute.'

"Your jacket? And you're just coming back for it now?" she snarls, in a disbelieving way. She folds her arms over her chest, waiting for him to say more and to say that he just came to see her. Because she was special to him. Or she was supposed to be.

He shrugs again and goes behind a beach chair, bending down and picking up a dingy, brown, worn out jacket that seems two sizes to big. "Here it is." Jade immediately recognizes the jacket that he used to adore and always wear, even in Jade's desperate attempts to get him to take it off and as he pulls it on over his lengthy t-shirt, she realizes for the first time that he had lost weight. A lot of weight. She had mistakingly took his skinniness and the way his skin clutches so tightly to his bones for the muscle he had put on in senior year.

"You can go now," she says, slightly put off guard by her sudden realization.

"Okay, fine," he responds, holding his hands up like she was playing the cop and he the thief. "But I was thinking we could talk? Maybe?" he asks without fear.

"No. What would make you think I would ever want to talk to you?" she says briskly, and it strikes Beck like a cold wind on a dark, September night. She quickly slides into her house and shuts the door right in his face, refusing to even give thought to his offer. He didn't deserve her with all the bad things he had once said about her. She recalls the day when she, tipped off by Caterina Valentine, snuck into a room just to overhear a conversation Andre Harris and him were having about her.

.

_"-can't believe she's dating that guy just to make me jealous," an angry Beck Oliver says, throwing his hands up in the air. He was having a hard time accepting that Jade belonged to someone else and he would never be able to hold her again or lightly touch her porcelain lips anymore. Never be able to see the perfect way she had of scrunching up her nose in disgust when he splashed her with some refreshing water from the hose on a hot, sunny day. It made him want to cry every time he thought about it. Thought about her._

_"Beck, listen. I don't think that she-" Andre begins, but is cut off once again by Beck's irritable way of speaking whatever came to his mind, the moment it came, which only ever happened when he was mad._

_"This was why we got into so many fights. Because she's so overly jealous," he growls, running his hand through his hair. At this point, taken by shock and emotion, Jade stands up strongly, betraying the hurt she feels inside and yells at Beck. Screams. She hates what he's doing to her; spreading rumors and making her feel awful. Like it was her fault. It wasn't her fault. And Jade West never feels awful._

_"Oh! So you're saying we got into so many fights because of me? Well let me tell you, Beck, that it was really all _your_ fault," she accuses, tension tugging at the corners of her mouth and her arms folding across her chest._

_"Really? You're putting this on _me_?" Beck nearly snaps, hardly surprised by her sudden appearance, but he's smarter than that. He wouldn't dare to snap at Jade West. She wasn't his girlfriend anymore so he was just another target of hers. She held no loyalty to him anymore and might try to tear him down with words that could easily send someone like Beck over the edge._

_"Uh, guys-"_

_"Get out of here Andre! You're making me mad," Jade commands and Beck steps in front of a terrified looking Andre._

_"Don't drag Andre into this, Jade," Beck says, pissed. She was dragging their friends into it. Just like the time she tried to get Cat to take her side when they had their fight in the janitor's closet._

_"Don't tell me what to do, Beck," Jade hisses and storms out of the place, not because Beck upset her, but because she wanted to. Yes, that was it. It wasn't the watery tear threatening to fall down her perfectly set cheek bones that made her go, because Jade wasn't controlled by anyone or anything- especially not a little tear._

.

He was never right to have said anything like that, but a small part of Jade couldn't help but feel like her jealousy had spun out of control. But it wasn't like the smooth talking boy hadn't provoked it. Provoked her. It was like he had challenged her; every girl he talked to he seemed to charm and he would flaunt them, acting like they were only friends, but really testing Jade's limits. Seeing how far she would run for him. Making her run for him. And it wasn't like she hadn't known this. No one had to tell her Beck was messing with her. Screwing around with her because he took joy in the loyalty she had for him. But every time she came back to him, addicted to his leathery touch and the way he could set her on fire. The way he caressed her and told her she was more beautiful than anyone. So when he fooled around with girls, she got mad and she got jealous, because she just wanted him to treat her like that. She was the only who deserved his attention, the attention she so craved and needed. And she got angry because he would deny the way he would flirt with all those pretty girls and she would rile herself up because she would torment herself by wondering if he told them they were pretty. Pretty like the sun. He should only be telling her that she was beautiful. Not some fool-hearted petty girl. So she did fight with him because she wanted him all to herself. Wanted him to fill the void in her heart when he left her and have him stop the agonizing pain she felt when he couldn't or wouldn't tell her what she so wanted to hear.

Yes, he provoked Jade and made her chase after him. Even the times when they were broken up. He pretended to be so interested in other girls so she would come sprinting back into his arms, her tail between her legs, telling him she was sorry. And he would always forgive her, because deep down, he loved her. But the last time, it didn't happen like that. She didn't jump right back into his arms no matter how hard he tried to entice her with his melodic voice and his soulful brown eyes.

.

_"Sure, meet you at around four?" Beck agrees to a fair blonde girl who looked like she spent way to much time indoors, playing with dolls, for she adapted the hand made toy's qualities to herself, mimicking their light skin and breakable looking appearance, but still holding that certain serene beauty that drew collectors out from every part of the world._

_"Great, don't be late," the girl winks, walking away, lightly and "unintentionally" brushing Beck's tanned arms as she did so._

_Beck quickly winks back at her, running his hand through his hair and putting on a show because he was right in front of Jade's locker, who hadn't been paying any mind to his little discussion with Ms. Gorgeous. At least, she appears not to, but inside, she can feel another tiny part of her heart breaking off, just like if a glass figurine had accidentally fallen on its side, breaking off its nose._

_"Who was that, man?" Andre says, his mouth in a big 'O' as he watches the tall girl disappear into the crowd of Hollywood Arts students. Andre always loved a hot girl which his friend seemed to be getting plenty of now that Jade and him broke up._

_"A model. We're going to get ice cream later," Beck smiles charmingly. His voice is a bit loud and even Andre can tell something's up. With a quick look around he spots Jade and immediately gets it and mentally sighs. He needs to let her go. She had clearly gotten over him with this Bradley dude._

_"Sounds fun," Andre laughs, still watching Jade out of the corner of his eye. She was grabbing some books and then motioned for a talkative red head to follow her to class with a roll of her eyes. It seemed like she hadn't heard a word of what was exchanged between Beck and his new date._

_"Eh, it's whatever," the Canadian says and the dark haired boy next to him can't help but notice the lost look in his eye. The sparkle of sadness that shone. It was depressing to see him this way._

_"Did you hear what they were talking about?" Cat chatters excitedly as her and Jade walk up the stairs._

_"Yeah. Who cares," the black haired girl says, pretending there was nothing wrong, but both of the girls knew, Jade cared._

.

And just like back then, no matter how much Jade denies it, she can still feel the remaining pieces of her heart flutter a little when he looks at her. And it kills her, but she can't help it. Can't help wanting to see him smile at her. Even after all he's done.

_Ring. Ring._

The black IPhone starts to vibrate on the kitchen counter and Jade walks over to it, not in the mood to talk to anyone and ready to press the silent button on it, but the Caller ID stops her. It reads the name Beck and again she feels that rush of excitement, but again it turns to dismay. It had only been an hour or two since he had been around, looking for his jacket. He was already calling. Jade couldn't help but let a smirk snake across her face. He was running for her, just like she was made to run for him so long ago.

So, in the name of good fun and purely nothing else because Jade Berns did not believe in any other feelings for Beck, she answers it, but stays quiet, waiting for him to say, 'hello.' And he does, and she notices his voice sounds _funny_, but ignores it. After all, the phone always makes people talk weird. "What do you want," she demands.

"You picked up," he answers, slight surprise jumping from his voice and Jade can envision the face he's making, his eyes wide in astonishment with that small victory smile that pulls at the edges of his mouth. He hasn't won anything though.

"So?"

There's a pause on the other end of the line before Beck speaks up. "So does that mean you'll go with me to Starbucks and get a cup of coffee?"

"Now who said that?" Jade answers in her Tori Vega voice that used to get everyone up and laughing, imitating her. Even Robbie would join in, poking fun at how the brunette could be so overdramatic.

"Fine, Jade. Just, think about stopping by, alright?" he sighs and Jade can hear the defeat resounding in his voice as he says his address. Or, an address close to where he lives since he's in an RV and doesn't legally get a house number. "Bye." And with that, he hangs up the phone, leaving Jade to stare out the window, immensely confused as to why she had written down his location on an ugly yellow sticky note. Maybe she had been spurned on because of his desperation and she had a habit of feeding off other people's despair and turning it into her happiness. Or maybe she wanted him to confess his love for her again, and then she could deny him once again, just like he did one time to her, claiming her to be "drunk" and not really truly wanting him back. Both Jade Berns and Jade West don't get drunk. Ever.

.

_"Beck! Beck, open up!" Jade pounds against the door of his nearly indestructible RV. She knows he's in there. She knows he's been waiting in there the whole time because he wants her to come to him and apologize so he can act like the loving and forgiving boyfriend he always pictures himself as._

_"Jade?" Beck says, pushing the door open and scrunching his eyes to make out Jade's sleek form in the night. Fortunately, her pale face sticks out in the darkness like a beacon and he's able to discern who his guest is. He lets her in hurriedly, closing the door after her._

_"Beck, I'm so sorry!" she says, starting right into it, looking at him right in his soft brown eyes. "I didn't mean it. You're really a good guy! I mean, you got me!" She's trying to apologize, Beck can tell, but she's trying to hard. Almost like she rehearsed it._

_"Jade, listen. I don't think you really mean it," he explains, knowing this will get the brown haired girl going._

_"I won't do it again, Beck! I promise!" she sobs, and quite abruptly she breaks into hysterics, crying and sobbing, just wanting to feel the comfort of Beck's arms around her waist, hugging her to him. Bonding them. Being the couple she wants to be. Dreams about being._

_"Jade, calm down. I think you might be a little..."_

_"Might be a little what!" she screams, her heavy makeup staining her lovely face, making her look like a wreck._

_"Drunk," Beck says and immediately regrets it when Jade stops sniffling and just stares at him. He puts his face in his hand and knows he tripped on a bomb. But it's not his fault Jade was acting so out of character. What other explanation can there be besides her being a little tipsy? "I think you should leave now," he tells her when she doesn't say anything and just stands there with her mouth open wide. He opens the door behind him and points to it, like he's ordering a bad dog out. Like Jade has done something that really displeased her master._

_"Oh," she states and looks at the door, debating whether to argue more or to protect her dignity and just leave. It was obvious she was not welcome. Wasn't welcomed into Beck's strong arms. Beck quickly grabs her shoulders, gently pushing and leading her towards the door. She struggles, biting at him before hopping out the door, glaring at him, and then leaving. Fine. If he didn't want her, that was fine with her. "Hope you rot in hell Beck!" she barks, knowing she'll regret it later as the door slams shut._

.

Either way, she decides she's going to take a trip down to Mr. Oliver's place, wanting to know what it felt like to be Beck all those years ago. In charge. She's finally in charge. She grabs her keys from a cute little tray that Bradley picked up years ago to hold their spare change, pens, and whatever else they wanted to throw in there and walks out the front door, jumping into her black Jeep that she insisted on getting, having nothing of what Bradley was advising her to do. She starts the ignition and starts to feel a little angst. What's going to happen when she sees Beck? What does he live like?

She pulls out onto the road and starts the twenty minute drive all the way to his place. His damned place. The place she swore she would never go back to no matter what happened. But here she was, driving down to him.

.

Bradley pulls into the driveway, ready to greet and hug his wife who was probably bored out of her mind all day. He knew how much Jade hates to be bored which was why he brought home a surprise lab one day. She ended up hating that to. So he told her to make some friends. She hates all the neighbors. So she'd just have to wait for him to come home, he warned her.

But, where was her car? Bradley narrows his eyes in suspicion. Normally he wouldn't be so worried, but lately something had been going on with Jade and he can't help but wonder where she's gone off to and why she didn't call him ahead of time when she knew he always came home at this exact time. Was it because of this Becky kid? Not again; Bradley wasn't going to lose his wife to some poor old wrench.

So he unlocks his phone and quickly dials her number, unable to stop himself from biting his nails. A horrible habit of his.

She answers and he kindly asks where she's going.

"No where."

"Jade, hone-"

"I told you not to call me that!" she reprimands, her exasperated sigh clearly audible. He hated when she got like this. He hated when she was mad at him for something he didn't do. He just wanted her to be happy all the time, even if it was at the cost of his own happiness.

"Sorry, Jade." His wife had banned all cutie names from the house, saying that they were just sissy games and what a wife or husband called their spouse when they wanted to sound cute, but were to unoriginal to make up their own name. Bradley knew that wasn't true, but he didn't argue. "I was just wondering, though. I just got home."

"I said, no where."

"This doesn't have anything to do with that boy, right?" Bradley asks, trying to sound calm, but inside he was losing it.

"Bradley, shut up!" she hisses. Couldn't he see that she was under a lot of pressure and just wanted to be left alone for once in her life?

"Jade! We need to talk about this!" he begs.

"Later."

The phone went dead and Bradley was left in the driveway of his house, feeling more alone than ever. Because he knows Jade doesn't love him. He knows that she never really felt that spark that could make two people absolutely mad for each other. But he had thought, maybe she could grow to love him? After all, he would shower her with gifts and give her everything she wanted and he would always make sure to ask about her day and would listen to her unconditionally if she ever wanted to talk. Because he loves Jade. Even if she doesn't or will, maybe, never love him back. Funny how love works like that. Can make even a grown man fall heads over heels and do the most ridiculous things. Just like with Jade West when he first met her. He had decided he would do everything for her from then on- she had stolen his heart...even if he hadn't stolen hers.

.

_There she was; black hair cascading down her fit body, her eyes constantly flashing dangerously like she was playing some game and she knew it- foretold it- that she would win, beating everyone else. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she was talking to her friend, Caterina Valentine, the resident blonde at Hollywood Arts. He wishes that he could be the synthetic red head for one day. He would follow Jade around like a puppy, or maybe like a genie, ready to grant Jade's wishes. If only..._

_"Go talk to her," Bradley's friend pushes him, annoyed. Every day, twenty four seven, he would talk about her and talk about her even though she had no clue he existed. No clue that he lived and breathed for her alone. It was pathetic. "What's the worst that can happen?" Typical friend move._

_"Yeah...yeah you're right!" he says, his green eyes shining like Tori Vega's locker. "But, I need something to give her...or something! What should I do- say?" Bradley chatters on in a frenzy. He needs something to impress one of the top girls at one of the most renowned schools in the state._

_"You're rich. Just flash some money, or something. Or wear something expensive. I don't know, dude. You're pissing me off," his friend says, sighing, just wanting to leave already. He didn't like this school, for reasons unknown to Bradley._

_"Right...Um, I'll just put on this watch...And, um, comb my hair real quick...Alright, ready!" he bounces, hopping off the hood of his expensive car and walking over to Jade, trying to look cool and level-headed, even though he was bursting like fireworks on the inside. She had this affect on him that wasn't butterflies, but rather an explosion inside the pit of his stomach._

_"Hey," he says smoothly, running his hand through his hair because he knew chics dug that. Hopefully. He immediately has Jade's attention and she's staring at him, almost like she's willing him to leave? Or willing him to die?_

_"Hi!" the peppy red head says, giggling._

_"Uh, what's up?" he asks, leaning against the wall._

_"Just walk away, Cat," Jade growls, grabbing her friend by the wrist and dragging her away as the shorter girl waves and shouts her goodbyes._

_Bradley's left alone, looking quite stupid, and he's heating up with disbelief that he actually said hi to his crush. Even though she didn't say hello back. But he had been near her, and that was close enough for Bradley to smell her coffee scented breath and fall ever more deeply in love with Ms. West._

.

Jade stops her car by a fire hydrant and looks out her shiny window, staring at Beck's RV. It looks old, dingy. Worn down and, frankly, the definition of trash. She remembers when she used to love that thing so much. Now, it evokes spite in her, the memories teasing her and making fun of her- dragging her back into the old days and forcing her to recall every single detail. It felt like tiny needles, prickling her skin, but never enough to bleed. But, yet, she suddenly regrets coming here. It's to painful; to stupid. What did she think was going to happen? She would waltz right up and bang on the door, demanding him to let her in, and then what? Make fun of him? Crush the boy's heart like he had crushed her's all those years ago? Would she get her revenge? She's tempted to leave now and her long, skinny fingers dance across the wheel, before tightening and then finally letting go.

She would go in, face her ex, and then leave after telling him that he made a mistake by telling her he loves her, because now she has to break his heart. It's his fault really.

She swings the car door open and promptly walks up to Beck's door that looks rusty. "Beck," she says, knocking harshly on the metal door and for a second, she's afraid she'll smash it down. "Beck!"

The door clicks open and Beck's standing inside, a big grin plastered on his face like he just won an award. "You're here," he chirps and then extends an arm, letting her, welcoming her, into his place. The one she was kicked out of way back when.

"I said I was coming, didn't I?" she says, forcing menace and trying to ignore the smells of...smoke? Drugs? Alcohol? She thought he had quit. At least, that's what he had told her. Had he lied to her? She scans the area; there's trash heaped everywhere and some of the dishes look like they haven't been washed in days. There's a few oil stains on his bed and food scattered across the couch. Did he expect her to be pleased with this wreck? She couldn't stand it and she fought the urge to scream at him and leave again. The foul stank was frightening; even to Jade Berns. "Beck, what the hell? You're RV smells like freakin' drugs!"

Beck flinches and then takes a deep breath. "Yeah, I know. It sucks. It's just when I started to...smoke the whole place just like, sucked it in and now everything reeks. It's been like that for a long time, even though I stopped a while ago. Can't get it out," he shrugs, using his Honest-To-God face which seems to work since Jade's jaw unclenches and her shoulders slouch the smallest bit (she always had had impeccable posture).

"Are you sure?" she asks, still suspicious. The smell couldn't last that long, could it? If he was lying to her...She would hate herself for going back to visit him if he was, even if she was just his friend. He would be fibbing to her, and she hated when people weren't honest with her, which was part of the reason she was always speaking her mind and staying true to what she thought. God, if he made her look like a fool for believing him...

"I'm sure, I promise," he says, and Jade decides to accept what he says because he made a promise. Whenever he promised her something, he did always stay true to her, because as much of a lying idiot he was, he always kept his promises and Jade starts to miss that about him. Bradley never promises her anything. He doesn't believe in promises. Says they're for children. A spike of anger courses through her body at the thought of Bradley.

"You know, I missed you Jade," Beck confesses, looking down at his feet and laughing the slightest bit.

"I...did to," she says quietly and then wants to slap herself. Did she really just that? She had really softened up over these years. Bradley was making her soft! His niceties must have been rubbing off on the Gothic girl, as much as she detests him and kind heartedness. Living with someone for seven years must have done that.

A tear tugs at Beck's eye and he grabs her into an embrace, hanging his head on her shoulder for a while before he looks her in the face. "I'm happy to hear that," he says and abruptly, he can tell something went wrong as Jade cringes, ruffling her beautiful face. "What?" he asks and she pushes him away, her eyes narrowing into daggers. He's living his nightmare. Jade doesn't love him. He's wrong. He's been wrong this whole time.

"You lied to me, Beck!" she screeches, angrily waving her fist in the air. A threat she used often, but never before to him. She reaches for her purse that she had set down when she first got to his house, but he quickly steps in front of her and the bag. "Move, Beck!"

"Not until you tell me what's wrong," he says firmly, bravely holding eye contact with someone that once had the nickname, 'The Wicked Witch of the West.'

"You're breath stinks of smoke you idiot!" she yells, disgusted. Disgusted at him. Even his clothes smell like drugs and marijuana. She should have known this would happen. That this was only one of his games. That's all he ever did anymore. Lie, lie, lie. She bet his whole sob story was a lie. She bet this was just one of his tricks to get her to come running back to him. Well she was done running races. Marathons. She was done with him. "Now move!"

Beck's stunned. She noticed. He had brushed his teeth, ate many pieces of gum, and used a breath freshener. She had still noticed. "Jade, I wasn't doing drugs. I haven't washed my clothe-"

"And I suppose the smell is permanently stuck on those to, huh? Huh, Beck?" she yells and pushes past him, grabbing her leather bag, slinging it over her arm, and walking off. Right out of his RV. "Jerk," she insults right before the door slams shut with a satisfyingly loud bang.

Beck can't help but fall onto the couch behind him. It was true. She was right. He had gone right back into drugs and alcohol when she made him leave. He spent everything he had earned on his past addictions, trying to drown out the pain. The pain that she had caused. He briefly wonders if she felt this way when he didn't answer that damn door even when he had still been in love with her. He had just thought they needed a break, but it didn't mean that he stopped loving her. If only he hadn't been so stupid he wouldn't be in this mess. He wouldn't have turned to those lovely addictions. Maybe, if he had been smarter, he wouldn't have gone back and then him and Jade would be talking right now. And he wouldn't be stuck in this pool of pain after being rejected twice. By the girl that stole his heart.

.

Jade bursts in the door to her house, feeling stupid to be duped again by Mr. Oliver. Feeling angry. Mad. Like she's a bomb and there's only a few seconds left, ticking by in slow-motion. "UGH!" she cries out and punches the yellow wall, making an indent. And then she punches it again. Again and again till she breaks through.

"Jade!" Bradley screams as he ran down the stairs and rushes over to her, grabbing her away from the wall and locking her fists to his chest. He's worrying now, a rush of pure panic electrifying him. What was she doing?

"Let go of me, Bradley!" she yells, struggling against him and in his submissive nature, debates letting her go or not. "I said let me go!" And now he knows he can't or she'll go right back to tearing at the wall again.

"What happened!" he demands and then feels pain in his gut as she socks him. As his wife punches him.

"Just leave!" she barks, and he can tell that someone's fallen onto a land mine and it activated all the others. The trip that he had been avoiding for seven long years was finally happening. And she was exploding on her emotional high. Something she had bottle up her whole life. Ever since Beck Oliver came into the picture when they were toddlers.

"Why won't you ever tell me anything, Jade!" he fights back, tired of never knowing what was going on with her. Tired of her never even letting him see a small glimpse of what was really in her mind. In her heart. What had been bubbling for so long until finally boiling over. But even then she had kept it hidden from his sight. Only until it had flooded everything and a fire was burning did she let him see her so upset. "I hate seeing you like this!"

"Just go away!" she says. Screams. Screeches.

"Who did this to you? Was it that Becky kid?" Bradley dares to ask and sees Jade tense up and he can tell, all hell will break loose.

"Why are you always so into what I'm doing? Can't you ever mind your own business! Keep to your own space, Bradley! And just go! I hate you!" And with that, she tosses his heart on the ground, right next to hers which had been broken, stitched, and broken again so long ago. She storms out, crushing both of the hearts, and goes to her room, pulling out a suitcase from her closet.

Bradley falls onto his knees, not sure of what to do any longer. He knows he's been living a lie. A perfect lie where he was in love with Jade and she loved him back. He knew that fantasy would never happen, even after he went at it, almost forcing Jade to go along with it. Keeping her real feelings suppressed as he tried to live out his dream. But it was never going to work. Sure, it had been lovely at times, but the big picture was shattered, broken in to many places to ever be repaired.

Bradley simply sits there, unable to cry. Unable to feel. Oblivious to the sound of Jade packing on the upper floor. Oblivious as she walks down the stairs, throwing one last glance at him, recalling one last memory of their times together.

.

_"One day we're gonna go live in a huge house. Together, Jade," Bradley talks, his eyes sparkling. He always loved to talk about the future. Their future._

_"Really?" she questions, slightly venomous as she didn't always take as much pleasure as he did speaking about what's to come and what will be._

_"Yeah. And we'll have a nice garden and a pretty room, and...you know what else?" he asks, mischievously. An emotion he never before portrayed._

_"What?" she says, slightly intrigued by Bradley and the thing he dangled in front of her._

_He puts his arm around her. "A nursery," he explains, knowing Jade would like that. Having a baby was what most couples wanted, and it was a concept even Jade would love. Did love._

_She smiles, barely, but Bradley sees it and takes it as a cue to continue. "It'll have nice grey walls like the color of your eyes, and they'll be pictures there. Of anything you desire. And the baby will grow up, happy and healthy, sleeping steadily in its wooden cradle. And right above his head will be dangling a trinket and he'll be reminded each day of how he's loved," Bradley says, watching as Jade's smile grows. He always had a way with words that impressed her and didn't make her puke (even if she felt it a bit in her stomach), even if he was describing a cute scene. Even though she hated cute._

_"What trinket?" she asks._

_"This one," Bradley says and pulls out a small black locket with a pair of scissors on it and she could tell it was specially made. "In it will go whatever you want. I was thinking the picture of the baby. Our baby," he says eagerly as Jade takes it from his palm._

_"Wow...This is so...stupid," she growls and then punches him in the arm even though on the inside, mixed with all that puke and hatred, there's a little bit of heat that's rising to her cheeks, warming her and making her slightly happy. But just slightly._

.

Jade quickly goes out the back door, tugging her suitcase after her. Bradley and her have gotten in so many fights, she can't even count them. Not that it was always like that. In the beginning, there was no fighting, but that was because they didn't know that each of them were keeping secrets. Her more so than him. So they lived blissfully for a while, but after a couple of months of living together, they saw that they weren't what they were made out to be. And a fight soon ensued after that knowledge was gained. And then more fights came along. And then more until it became like second nature to push back against him and to expect to come home at least twice every week to a stupid fight which worn them both out and took its toll on them. Because they were never meant to be.

.

_"Jade, you don't have to hide everything from me. We are married," Bradley says exasperatedly, using his hands to illustrate his frustration._

_"I'm not hiding anything!" Jade replies, her tongue sharp like a snake's._

_"Then why are you so mad?" he asks again, for at least the third time and Jade's ready to hit him. Hurt him for intruding on her space. Her precious space. Ever since they had been married, Bradley had been jumping on every opportunity to ask her what was wrong even if nothing was. Her face was always like that. It always looked like she had a problem with something. She should be insulted that he found something wrong her normal face._

_"Because you're still talking to me!" she yells, full of fire and no where near to burning out._

_"Because I need to-"_

_"Because I need to blah bleh!" she says, mimicking him and cutting him off like she did so many times to other people in high school._

_"You know what? Fine. Whatever, Jade. I'm sorry for asking you what was wrong. I'll back off now," he sighs and she feels victori- like a victor. She always won, no matter what. And he would always lose. He would just have to get used to it._

_"Good," she snaps and he walks towards the dining room table, defeated and sad for having their first marriage fight._

.

Even though they did argue quite a lot, some where deep inside Jade, in perhaps the murky recesses of her mind, she knew Bradley wasn't a horrible guy and that he could actually be kind of nice and a good guy. After all, he had gone to great lengths to make her comfy in their new house and he did cry for her- for their marriage- after a few fights. It did make him a wuss, but it also made him sort of...respectable in a way.

.

_Jade creeps ever so silently near the dining room, drawn in by the sound of muffled crying. The sound of Bradley crying. He's sitting at the table, his head buried in his arms and his hair messy. She had seen Bradley cry only few times before, and seeing him like this disturbs her in a way she can't describe._

_Soon his sobs give way to heavy breathing, and she can see his back rising and falling violently and she can't help but think there was no way this marriage was ever going to work out. It was hurting her, and it was hurting him._

_Bradley takes a deep breath and now his breathing is soft and he picks his head up, his green eyes red and puffy. There was bags under his eyes. Bags that she never noticed before. What was up with him?_

_Bradley's hands fold and he bites his lip for a second before bowing his head, whispering gentle words in a very shaky voice. He was praying. Jade turns away from the scene, disgruntled. Bradley needed to man up. It's not like they were getting divorced or anything._

_But Jade can't help but feel and wish that they were for some reason. Or for some one._

.

Jade starts her car and drives off. She has no place to go. No where to live now. She drives silently for a few minutes before pulling into the back lot of the grocery store, sure that no one would find her here. But she forgets about Beck and how he always comes here, though he stops in front of the shop instead of around back.

Jade sighs, fighting a couple of tears and rests her head on the side of her door. It's the dead of night and she's suddenly feeling extremely tired after all the fighting. All the turmoil that has been happening both on the inside and on the outside. She's tired of battling with Bradley, tired of dealing with Beck, and tired of fighting with herself. Tired of hearing those little birds in her head, convincing her that somewhere she does love Bradley and she does love Beck, even though she's sure she doesn't.

Eventually, through all her thoughts, Jade nods off in a dreamless sleep, only to be woken up later by the pitter pattering of rain on her window. She stares outside, watching as the world was cast in greys and blues. And she gets to thinking about Robbie...And then Andre...And then Cat, because rain always made you think more about your life.

.

_"Cat, get out of the rain!" Jade snarls, attempting to grab the red head's wrist, but the shorter girl dodges and twirls again, her arms spread out and her tongue sticking out, attempting to catch the little water droplets on it._

_"Come on, Jade! Rain is fun!" Cat giggles in her air-headed way, still spinning._

_"You know I hate the rain!"_

_"I _love_ the rain!" Cat laughs freely. "You wanna know why?"_

_"Not really," Jade snaps. She hates any type of water. Even the one you drink which is why she always had milk or juice or something of the sort. Anything but that dreaded water._

_"I'll tell you why! Because it's so pretty! And then, after it's gone, a rainbow appears. Like, poof!" she explains, and stops twirling to face Jade, laughing and giggling and doing all the stuff a normal Cat does._

_"Rainbows look like unicorn puke," Jade wrinkles her nose, then lunges out at Cat and successfully grabs her wrist. She tugs her towards shelter. Not that being under anything would help now that she was drenched._

_"Aw, phooey," Cat says, then suddenly brightens up._

_"What?" Jade asks. "Why are you all happy?"_

_"Let's wait for the rainbow together!" Cat exclaims, excitedly jumping up and down. Waiting for the rainbow with her best friend; what fun!_

_"Ugh...I hate this Cat."_

_"I know," she winks._

.

Jade's relationships had been so simple back then. Almost everyone feared her and she could basically boss around whoever she felt like bossing around. But now, all grown up, it's all complicated. All messed up. And a part of her can't help but think it was her fault. Like she had tied all the knots to quickly and then thrown in a heap so everything got tangled. And then it was like she tried to untangle it by pulling it, which ripped some of the knots. Ripped some of her relationships.

Or all.

Thinking about everything makes Jade hungry, so she hops of the car, locking it and banishing all ideas from her brain and starts to walk around to the front of the grocery store...only to see Mr. Beck Oliver, staring straight at her with those brown eyes, the fall of her combat boots warning him that she was coming. She turns on her heels quickly and starts to walk briskly towards her car, already taking the keys out of her purse, planning for a quick getaway.

She can hear Beck pounding after her so she starts to break into a jog. And then a run. But suddenly he's in front of her, grabbing her arms and pulling her to him. Trapping her just like Bradley had done. "Beck, let go!" she screams, extremely irritated by all the grabbing and holding that's been going on as of lately.

"Jade, don't run from me!"

Jade, driven by fury, kicks backwards, knocking Beck a few steps and spins around, furious. "And why not? You haven't changed a bit, you know that Beck?" she spits, fuming.

"Jade, I have! I'm sorry about the whole smo-"

"Why do you even want me back anyway? So you can win your little game that you seem to just love playing with me?" Jade barks, demanding an answer. An answer that Beck can't supply and he's left floundering. That stupid look that Jade hates so much lingering on his face. "Just go, Beck. And never come back," she says softly, but her words are laced with venom. The kind that could kill you in only a few minutes after a bite.

Surprisingly, Beck nods and starts to leave, a few hot tears falling, marring his olive skin. That was it. Maybe he had been playing just a game after all...Maybe they were never meant to be together after all.

Jade shakily stalks back to her Jeep, trying to hold back tears. But she can't and she promises, as the tears stain her pale face, herself this will be the last time she ever cries. Cries over him, cries over Bradley, cries for herself. Because she's done hurting inside. All she ever wanted was someone to love her for her, but that couldn't happen. (And she had just been in denial thinking someone could.) Because she was Jade West and no one loves Jade West.

.

_"Beck, tell me that you love me," Jade orders, moving closer to him on her couch._

_Beck laughs and says, "On one condition."_

_"And what's that?" Jade asks, starting to get angry, her fingers grabbing the comforter and twisting it._

_"You have to kiss me," he smiles devilishly and charmingly. Like some fairy tale prince._

_Jade grumbles a little, but leans in to kiss him, smiling at the smell of coffee when Beck exhaled out and knowing hers smells the same way. Beck closes the distance and for a moment, they stay like that before pulling away and Beck looks up at the ceiling, acting like he wasn't remembering something._

_"Don't act like you forgot," Jade says pointedly._

_He chuckles again. "I love you, Jade West. Always and forever."_

_Jade smirks and she rests her head on his chest. "And I love you."_

* * *

><p><em><em>**Author's Note: **Hope you enjoyed it! Anyway, it's really long and the plot is a bit eh and I apologize for any OOCness and I'm sorry that I had to put Bradley into it so much. I regret that but I needed a contrast to Jade and Beck and Robbie nor Andre would fit the bill. Any who, sorry and sorry about the plot. Also, I feel like I could still do a third part maybe about what happens to Jade or maybe Beck's thoughts, but I'm not sure. Sorry if you don't like it; any suggestions and maybe I'll change it. Anyway, you can tell me what you guys think if you want down in the comments or reviews or whatever and I hoped you enjoyed at least some of it! :D


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